Shock horror. 50,000 litres of alcohol consumed in Scotland and to think that we only drink Cocoa. A Japanese Finance Minister resigned because he was drunk at a G8 Conference. I’m shocked, but everyone keeps telling me “better to burn out than fade away”. Didn’t he do well…Martin Nolan from Teagasc, now auctioneer for Neverland in Los Angeles.

My Spin Doctor, Alastair Crannóg, said, “stop reading the Red Tops and Hello magazine, you are just interested in sensation”.

At national level, the skinny latte has become the skinny ladeen. As the Russians say, “you’re never protected from poverty or prison”.

Colorado’s oldest newspaper (1859) “The Rocky Mountain News” closed down in February. They wanted a picture of me for the final issue. Vanity Fair magazine wanted me to make sandwiches for their Oscar party. I said no, I wasn’t going to provide a backdrop for Kate Winslet.

A new store has opened in Shanghai called Fairy Pink. Although, I am a Barbie girl, I won’t go, her fashions cramp my feathers and my feathers are particularly lustrous at the moment. “Oh! Do shut up”, said Alastair Crannóg, “we have serious things to think of…Recession, Trillions, Negative Equity and er’ er’ cant think!” Poor Alastair, it’s all getting to him. In a tender moment, I wrap my wings around him and forget about the time he pushed me out of the camera’s range and called me a LATCHICO, whatever that is. Must rush, I see a LINE ON THE HORIZON.

Emu