Self-Awareness:
Self-awareness means getting to know yourself better. It means increasing your understanding of your strengths and limitations: becoming more aware of your own personality, having a greater understanding of how you act in certain situations, being able to reflect on your feelings and where they come from;

examining the picture you have of yourself and increasing awareness about your relationship with yourself. The majority of people, if asked which were the most important relationships in their lives, would reply that it was the relationship they had with their partner, parent, children or friends. Few would say that it was their relationship with themselves. Yet this is truly the most important relationship; all others come from it and are influenced by it. How I relate to myself is the single most determining factor in how I relate to others and to life. Whether I relate to myself as my own best friend or as my worst enemy is going to affect the quality of my life down to the very last detail. Love your neighbor as yourself is a quote that most people are familiar with. Yet there probably has been no word so over looked than the word as. The process of becoming more aware of yourself is a life-long one and involves appropriate self-disclosure as well as identifying your “blindspots”.

The Self Concept:
We all have our own mental picture of who we are, how we look, what we’re good at, and what our weaknesses might be. A lot of our self-image or sense of self is based on interactions we have with other significant people such as parents, care givers and teachers plus our life experiences. This mental picture we hold contributes to our selfesteem. All of our lives are shaped by the past conditioning of culture, family, ancestors, traditions, religion, economics and things such as war, and political struggles to name but a few. Our behaviour, both positive and negative, is a reflection of our beliefs and perceptions based on past experiences. We each have our filters from the past that influence how we operate in the world in the present. We develop this picture over time starting with early childhood. Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted, and thought well of by others. If a child grows up in an environment around adults who are able to mirror acceptance and positivity then the child will more than likely grow up to value love and accept themselves.

Self-Esteem & Self Image:
A sense of healthy self-esteem means being able to appreciate one’s skills abilities and accomplishments while being able to accept one’s weakness and areas that needs improvement. The majority of people do not grow up in ideal circumstances. Most parents and caregivers do the best they can with the tools they have. The good news is that you can develop a relationship with yourself that has all the characteristics of a loving and affirming parent-child relationship. This means making a decision to give to oneself, love, appreciation, compliments etc; the things we often seek from others. It is very common for people to have a strong “inner critic,” a voice inside that seems to find fault and criticizes every thing. It seems to be that “we do to ourselves what was done to us.” Obviously, self-esteem is damaged when someone whose acceptance is important (such as a parent a teacher or authority figure) constantly puts you down. How we think about ourselves in this case often becomes a habit, something learned from the reflections of other people. Having had this type of experience it is common to engage in a range of self-protection mechanisms that protect one from further hurt, humiliation and rejection.

Over time, listening to a negative inner voice can harm a person’s self-esteem just as much as if the criticism were coming from another person. Some people get so used to their inner critic being there that they don’t even notice when they’re putting themselves down. Unrealistic expectations can also affect a person’s self-esteem. People often have an image of who they want to be (or who they think they should be). Everyone’s image of the ideal person is different. For example, some admire athletic skills while others admire academic abilities. People who see themselves as having the qualities they admire, such as the ability to make friends easily, usually have high self-esteem. Unfortunately, people who have low self-esteem often do have the qualities they admire in others. However, they just can’t recognize them. Retrain Your Inner Critic. Because it comes from inside you, you can take back control over that inner voice that puts you down or tells you not to bother trying something because you’re sure to fail. Decide that your inner voice will only give you constructive feedback from now on. Imagine if you were to hold yourself in the highest esteem! Think only the best of yourself! Praise and encourage yourself! Let your inner child grow strong!!! Remember, this develops over time so what we often need to go through is a process of un-learning. We all know of people who have grown up in adverse circumstances and have been able to use their experiences to create value for the benefit of themselves, others and the planet. Our differences are what make us unique. Each and every human being has intrinsic worth and value regardless of their circumstances. Our experiences need to be acknowledged so that the can be claimed and integrated in a way that the can become our resources and strengths.

Steps to Improving Self-Esteem:
Become conscious about your thoughts and catch that negative voice. If you’re used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. Remember what you secretly think about yourself, how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself have a powerful impact on your self-esteem, relationships, prosperity, job performance, and spiritual outlook, even your mental and physical health.

Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection.
Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like. “I won’t audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds,” think about what you’re good at and what you enjoy, and go for it.

View mistakes as learning opportunities.
Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person’s talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things – it’s what makes people interesting.

Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Take pride in any new skills that you develop. Set goals. Think about what you’d like to accomplish, and then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress.

Recognize what you can change and what you can’t.
If you realize that you’re unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it’s something you can’t change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are.

Make a contribution.
Participate in an event to raise money for charity or volunteer your time in some other way. To feel like you can make a difference can do wonders to improve self-esteem.

Phyllis Hunt M.I.A.C.P is a Counsellor/Psychotherapist & Supervisor in Private Practice. Phyllis is available to work with individuals, couples and groups. For appointment: 087-6838910 094 9862861. Personal Development Course in Ballaghaderreen: Experience a different kind of learning through personal development. Starts on Mon 23rd February from eight o’clock to ten o’clock for ten weeks. For more information contact Phyllis Hunt.