It is Christmas Day. All the family are gathered around a succulent juicy turkey with crispy roast potatoes and mouths are watering. Crackers are pulled, hats donned and cheesy jokes read. There’s laughter, chatter and the sighs of quiet satisfaction. Later, by the crackling fire, the children play with their presents before you all settle down to enjoy a holiday film.

It is a perfect Christmas. Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men. No, it’s not a complete fairytale – it can, and does, happen, but let’s face it our Christmases can also be filled with tension, temper tantrums and rows rather than peace and goodwill. Christmas has been ranked the sixth most stressful event in an individual’s life next to divorce and moving house. So, how do you survive Christmas?

Where to go for Christmas is an age old and difficult question, especially for young couples starting out or those with young children. It requires a degree of diplomacy worthy of an international leader (though, in the present climate, that might be debatable). Christmas is a time for traditions. This is problematic to say the least. Traditions, especially family traditions at Christmas, are hard to shake off and a young couple spending their first Christmases together can find themselves tore in two because they are so focused on their family’s traditions and maintaining them that they have forgotten that they are a family unit as well. They need to form their own traditions, what they want to do as a family. Deciding when you wish to open Christmas presents, what form the dinner will take and, essentially, how you will spend Christmas. Some take their respective families’ traditions and amalgamate them but try coming up with your own as well – you will find it extremely liberating. Christmas is centred around families and you will, no doubt, decide to visit them but if you do decide that you wish to spend the day just the two of you or you and the children then do not feel guilty for this. You have to spend time as a family together; often Christmas is the only time when busy young families can spend real quality time together. This is the way you want to celebrate Christmas – your tradition as a family. So, your plan of action is to gently explain the situation to your respective families and offer to visit them for a while in the evening.

Make sure you are prepared when visiting your families or vice versa. Good manners sometimes fly out of the window when families get together, especially if there are any hidden resentments. Some people say what they like when they like with little idea that they are being hurtful or they just don’t care: a mother threatened by her son’s spouse; an uneducated uncle who insists on spouting his medieval logic or they could just be plain annoying. There’s at least one in each family so, with in-laws, the insufferable is at least doubled. I’ve come across the “so, still single then, where do they all run off to?”; “So, an Arts degree, perfect then for MacDonalds”; “My job is so exhausting, the mental effort, it’s far more difficult than mere manual labour – like your work” or “Black is so slimming on you, it makes you look like you’ve lost weight even though you haven’t”. My best advice is don’t rise to it. It would be so easy to do but disastrous in the long run. Remember, the art of tolerance and patience. Christmas is not the time for confrontations. By rising to it you will only succeed in upsetting your and the rest of the family’s Christmas – the perpetrator will be entirely oblivious. They are Teflon – nothing sticks. Remember, you’re only visiting/they are only visiting and soon it will be over. Ignore the jibe. Walk away if you have to, spend a few minutes alone or speak to someone who would understand. If you have to visualise injuring them to maintain your composure then do so. If the problem is between the families then separate them for a period of time. It’s amazing what a bit of distance can do plus your family doesn’t want to cause a scene – they, like you, don’t wish to upset everyone. Another essential when spending time with families at Christmas is compromise. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made to keep the peace. For example if you’re not very religious but your spouse’s family is then attend Midnight Mass with them. It’s only an hour out of your life; let’s face it you’ve probably wasted more on reality TV. If granny wants to watch Fair City then let her. Sure, the acting is about as convincing as a two by four but will it won’t kill you. At the end of it all, you’ll probably find your family compromising right alongside you.

If tension is reaching critical levels then distraction is the key. Go for a walk, turn on a comedy or play a game. A game of cards is a great way of bringing the whole family together. Board Games are always popular. However, know your audience. Games have the knack of bringing out the worse in people or, perhaps, bringing out the worst people. For example, a person is continually harassed with jibes for failing to calculate a player’s debt in Monopoly fast enough for him – he was a Gordon Gecko disciple. It took a great deal of self-control not to shove every single one of his hotels up his nose. But it was our first meeting and I didn’t want his first impression to be mathematical dunce with a capacity for great violence.

There are two givens when it comes to food at Christmas. The first is that you will overindulge and end up celebrating the New Year half a stone heavier, which will take a miracle to shift – Christmas weight is, especially, impervious to diet and exercise; it’s the Christmas Pudding factor. Try to restrain yourself. I know it is so easy to grab another handful of yummy Celebrations. We think they are so tiny and, therefore, so inconsequential, what harm can they do? Think of that when you’re standing on the scales screaming "Why!!!" Just hold back a bit – the tin isn’t going anywhere and you know you don’t even like the Bounties. Same with dinner. Smaller portions of every course is much more sensible than huge uneatable ones – you won’t be stuffed and there will be less waste. Remember, one portion does not constitute six potatoes!

It is a given that if there is one meal to which Murphy’s law has an open invitation then it is Christmas. Forgetting a crucial ingredient or burning the turkey to a crisp – these are only minor mishaps. We must also take into consideration the in-law factor. Cooking Christmas Dinner for the in-laws can be problematic, especially if your mother-in-law is used to presiding over such affairs and you are a novice. You have already made the drastic error of no centrepiece and only paper napkins. Now, your soup has received an “mmm…it’s different” and your store bought stuffing a haughty “I always make my own…my boys love my stuffing”. Resist the urge to stuff the turkey where the sun doesn’t shine and take a calming breath. Remember, this is your Christmas meal. You try to accommodate guests’ dietary needs, allergies and dislikes but beyond that you decide. Again, it’s about making new traditions. If your partner loves the meal then no one else matters. Also, do not stress if you cannot make stuffing, vegetable soup or Christmas pudding from scratch, you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, the kind that results in spontaneous combustion. It’s tiny and insignificant. Buy some Paxo, throw in a few extra breadcrumbs and they will never know the difference!

The most important thing to remember when surviving Christmas is you cannot make everyone happy. There’s always someone who has the potential to make it disastrous and embarrassing. Christmas is there for you to enjoy with your partner, children and families. The perfect Christmas is out there. It can appear from thin air – a joke, a delicious dinner, a tone-deaf carol or a simple giggling fit. It happens more often than you think. This is simply your cheat sheet to help you on your way.